Maybe The Vacationeers were thinking of something in this line this when they conceived the following amazing short video. Should we start getting cold feet?
1. I am constantly testing you. I observe, analyze, and judge every action, word, gesture, e-mail, and facial expression. When I ask you if you want to have a threesome, I DON”T MEAN IT. If you want me to speak to you again, let alone sleep with you after this conversation, the answer should always be, “Why would I want to sleep with another woman when I have you?”
2. My body really isn’t naturally this hairless and smooth all over. But I will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturizing that gets it this way.
3. I fantasized about being with you at least a dozen times before we actually first got naked.
4. I only appear to have it all together. My true organization (or lack thereof) is revealed in my closet, my makeup bag, my desk files.
5. When I say, “I`m ready,” I`ll need exactly 7 more minutes to get ready. Don`t try to cheat the system by showing up 7 minutes later; I will still need an extra 7 minutes.
6. When I say, “I`ll meet you in 15 minutes,” I mean I will leave in 15 minutes, and thus won`t actually arrive for at least 30 (but probably more like 40).
7. I want you to talk a little dirty.
8. I check out your butt every time you leave the room.
9. I need constant indications that you want me around. That`s why it`s better for example, to say ” I want you to come away with me for the weekend. Could you come with me?” than to ask. “What are you up to this weekend?”
10. I love it when you get a little jealous. So if you ever see me flirting in front of you with the waiter, the bus driver, or another guy at a party, know I ` m actually flirting with you-through him.
11. Even if I insist on paying or splitting the bill on our first date, I’ll think you’re cheap if you let me.
12. When I’m falling in love with you, I completely lose my appetite.
13. I’ll never tell you exactly how many men I’ve slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn’t. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she’s slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn’t want to appear a floozy), but mostly it’s sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound.
14. I have Googled your exes.
15. At the beginning of our relationship, I save all of your voice mails and listen to them (and make my friends listen, too), repeatedly.
16. I want you to take control in bed. Yes, I have a successful career, I’m financially independent, I live on my own, and I don’t need a man to make me happy (in theory). I still want you to pick me up, carry me to the bedroom, and take me without asking.
17. I split the cost of my fashion purchases over two or more credit cards, so you don’t notice the gargantuan deficit.
18. I start fights with you because I’m feeling ignored. I’m trying to force emotion out of you. Don’t retreat into your cave: just give me what I want: some attention. And never tell me to “calm down” unless you want to guarantee that I absolutely won’t.
19. When you go away, even for a day, I sleep in your favorite old T-shirt because it smells like you. Exaggeration but you get the point.
20. You’ve made me cry more times than you’ll ever know.
21. I obsess about when you’re going to call me again. The period of time between our first date and your “Thanks for a great night; when can I see you again?” always seems stretched into slow motion. So don’t worry about looking too eager. Call. Even if you only wait until noon the day after, it will feel like a lifetime to me. And don’t send me an e-mail unless you want me to put you in the figurative trash can along with your message.
22. I might wear granny underwear and purposely not shave my legs to prevent myself from getting naked with you too soon. However, this sometimes backfires when I get a lil tipsy or carried away.
23. My bestfriend knows too much… from the size to God knows what.
24. We know more than you think.
25. Sometimes we lie about our periods. However, be very careful with your suspicions. One day it could back fire.
26. Many times we push you away… to see how much you want to come forward.
1) It’s part of a bigger plan. You’ll know all about it in due time 
2) It’s always good to refresh your memory either to relearn what you already — intentionally? — forgot (for you women) or for a good laugh (for you men)
So, here it goes! 
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine… Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
UPDATE: The Girls’ Rules is now online!
Se você resolver deixar de fumar, de beber e de fazer amor, não vai na realidade ter uma vida mais longa. Apenas parece mais longa. Clement Freud
O sujeito pergunta ao médico:
- O senhor acha que eu chego aos 100?
- O senhor fuma ou bebe? - pergunta o médico.
- Nunca fumei e nunca bebi - responde o paciente.
- O senhor joga, dirige carros em alta velocidade, sai com mulheres? - continua o médico.
- Não, doutor - responde o sujeito - não faço nada disso.
O médico pergunta: - Mas então por que o senhor quer viver até cem anos?
“I’m a right clicka
I’m an i-Book flippa
Macs and PCs
No fight gets bigga
Surf Safari
or browse in IE
Better know what you rep[resent]
A Mac or PC!”
…awesome!
“In my personal opinion, God is an imaginary friend for adults.”
purgatory358,
num comentário ao vídeo
Politics and religion de Pat Condell
One of the funniest sites about male shaving. Watch, explore, enjoy!
Attention, portuguese-speakers, the video is spoken in english and has no subtitles!
O “site” do nosso Presidente dá lugar de honra à entrevista que ele deu ao “ABC”.
Também a primeira audiência oficial foi dada à Espanha. Felipe de Borbón, claramente comovido, foi generoso: “Vim oferecer todo o apoio da Espanha em tudo o que seja significativo para as relações bilaterais”.
Ora deixemo-nos cá ver – já que estamos obviamente tramados com os espanhóis – em que é que o moço nos poderá ajudar.
O maior obstáculo continua a ser a língua. O castelhano, como se sabe, é uma língua com muitos defeitos – sobretudo para quem fala português – e quanto mais cedo começarmos a corrigi-la, melhor para o entendimento peninsular. A solução é um acordo linguístico entre os dois países.
A mania mais irritante dos espanhóis tem a ver com a tonicidade: como se já não bastasse o gin ser Larios, temos também de levar com água tónica La Casera?
Com as palavras acontece o mesmo. Quando são iguais, eles arranjam maneira de as tornar irreconhecíveis.
Começando logo com o Professor Cavaco Silva, veja-se como pronunciam “canibal” como quem diz “Aníbal”. Não está certo. Em vez de rimar “atmosfera” com “esfera”, rimam-na com “fósfora”: “atmósfera”.
É ridículo.
É inaceitável. Como podem eles dizer “terapia” a rimar com “prosápia”; “atrofia” a rimar com “bófia”; “fobia” a rimar com “sobe-a” e, em vez de “herói”, “héroe”?
Até pronunciam “cameraman” como se fosse uma parte do abdómen: “camerámen”. Nem à traqueia fica bem soar a pum (“tráquea”). Demonstra falta de nível dizer “nível” como se fosse uma marca de velas fabricadas em Niza. Um imbecil perde estupidez essencial se for um “imbecil”. Só falta dizerem “crocódilo”.
A democracia já é suficientemente barulhenta, escusando de ser gritaria de “democrácia”. Em contrapartida, a burocracia em português pouco perderia em soar mais crassa e poderia passar a ser “burocrácia” e “burócrata”. Aqui entramos nas concessões que nós portugueses teremos de fazer se quisermos tornar a língua castelhana mais civilizada.
Podemos ceder, por exemplo, dizendo ”estereotipo” em vez de “estereótipo”, que, muito francamente, soa a espanholada. Eles que passem a dizer “hemorragia” em vez do horrendo “hemorrágia” e nós, atendendo ao inglês, poderemos dizer “futebol”com tónica no “foot”. No mesmo pé, faz todo o sentido “ortopédia” em vez de “ortopedia”. Podemos até fingir que dizemos “batraquio” e, com grande sacrifício, passar a dizer “batráquio”. Se eles abandonarem, de uma vez por todas, o vício de dizer “teléfono”, “crisantémo”, “mediócre”, “textíl”, “misíl” e “epidémia”, nós talvez possamos considerar dizer, por exemplo, “leucémia”, “impár”, “rúbrica”, “taquicárdia” e até “psicópata” para afastar, de uma vez por todas, a imagem da pata tresloucada.
Outra área em que se deverá chegar a acordo é a dos géneros. Os castelhanos têm uma enorme dificuldade em atribuir o sexo correcto às palavras e isso tem de acabar. Faz algum sentido tornar o sal, tão masculino, em menina? Mas é “la sal” que os espanhóis dizem. E quem diz tal coisa também lhe sai da boca fora monstruosidades como “la postal”, “la nariz”, “la sangre”, “la masacre” ou “la leche”. O que é que se há-de fazer? É o “la costumbre” deles.
Outro problema terrível que têm é com as palavras acabadas em “agem”, às quais reagem atirando-as lunaticamente para o masculino. É “el embalage” para aqui, “el masage” e “el maquillage” para ali e é preciso “el corage” para suportar o ultrage de “el embalage”, “el viagem” e “el paisage”. Dirão que é aqui que os portugueses podem ceder – passando a dizer “o hospedagem”, “o aprendizagem” e outros dislates – porque também franceses e italianos consideram masculinas quase todas estas palavras. Paciência. Estão todos tragicamente enganados, excepto no pajem. O resto é absolutamente feminino.
Como então negociar com os espanhóis para eles deixarem de dizer, escandalosamente, “el ponte”, “la miel”, “el dolor”, “la lumbre” e, em vez da valsa, “el vals”? Nalgumas transexualidades teremos de ceder. Talvez possamos prescindir da masculinidade de algumas palavritas e passar a dizer “a silicone”, “a ênfase”, “a ioga” e “a hamburguesa” se eles desistirem de aleivosias como “el pétalo” e “el análisis”. Como prova de boa vontade, até podemos ceder na zona tórrida das palavras acabadas em “agem” e passar a dizer “o homenagem”.
Ou pensando bem, talvez não. Se calhar, este desentendimento tem as suas vantagens multisseculares. Quem sabe? Uma coisa é certa: se o castelhano não tem cura, a culpa não é nossa.
texto original: A Língua Canibal
por Miguel Esteves Cardoso in Como quem diz, no Expresso de 18 Março de 2006
Calvin: Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.
